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There was no use in writing anything, yesterday.... Probably not today, either. It appears to be the same old crap, armed over on a cold stove. I have never seen anything like Miss Jane's rare emotional outbursts. I've been accused of being the silent type, but it's not as if the brain cells are asleep. I've asked her after particularly lengthy silences, point blank, what's on her mind... and get "nothing" as a reply. I'm beginning to think she's telling the truth. A day after the big confrontation, her reaction is as if nothing ever happened. Which is particularly depressing, as I said everything that needed to be said... to my mind, subjects that required some reflection and an eventual response. I though I was being to the point, and speaking with reason. Forget that. This is mind fuck to me. Sometimes the air needs to be cleared, and it's not always pleasant. Ignoring the imperfect things just doesn't cure the problem, though. Consequently, I'm burnt to a crisp. My eyes are aflame, and there's zero energy reserves... but I can't spend the next couple of days at this monitor, crunching numbers on the Quark program. Before I even got the bag packed, I was ready to trash the whole week. Which I will be doing after work at 2 AM. Going back to the source of the bullshit. My therapy will be the woods... me, chainsaw and solitude. Until the sun goes down. I still haven't decided what I'll do when it's time for her Jehovah party on Wednesday, but it won't be there. Now's the time when I wish I had a camper up there. And a handful of tranqs. This too, shall pass... I know. But it's like the ancient mariner with the albatross. Problem is, now that I see that in print, my mind's eye sees John Cleese dressed in a cigarette girl's outfit, shouting "Albatross" at the top of his lungs. Plagued with Monty Python. Yeah, I need THAT. Venting and venting some more. Makes for incredibly boring reading... especially when the story is repeated, ad nauseum. Darkest before the dawn... sure could use that dawn. And my fingers and toes are COLD! Feels like summer is over, for real. And I'm inside the building! As soon as I get off the road, it's going to be a glass of Grand Marnier and the monday match of the day. Man U and Everton... go Blues! |
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