kanji

10 December, 2003
pre-yuletide blues

if i had a dollar for every unfinished sentence deleted in the past hour or so, i'd probably be on my way to the Tropics, by now.

must be suffering from a little writer's block.

like, from last Thursday.

just a little numbed by the routine, since the usual winter pattern has slotted into its groove.

just enough snow last Friday was enough to mire the weekend into a familiar scene... with the added stasis of having major auto mechanics to perform before Monday halted by foul conditions. being a shade-tree mechanic loses its charm when the temperature hovers at freezing, and your feet are planted in frozen muck. cold fingers tend to bleed more easily, especially when you can't feel the insult of knuckle against forged steel.

not that it wasn't still a beauty to behold, the falling of big flakes for long periods of time had a sedative effect. having to do the song-and-dance of finding a sub for the show was a good remedy. i even forced myself into the Herculean task of re-alphabetizing all of my CDs, which has been residing in various piles of different vintage. rewarded with WhaleRider, afterwards.

as is also the usual routine, Yoko was off to her daughter's for most of the weekend. often, i relish the solitude... but some of the charm was lost in the holiday shopping, doing it solo. i'd borrowed back my volvo from my mom just to get auto parts and gifts, sobered from the freedom with a freshly cracked taillight lens, ripe for gendarme scrutiny. i didn't put it there, either.

funny, moms remembers backing into someone else in a parking lot, but can't imagine the she had anything to do with any breakage.

damn, shafted by your own kin. that same old BBKing riff, "nobody loves me but my mother, but she could be jiving, too."

whatever.

one bright spot was at the international grocery in a most provincial southern town... striking up a musical conversation with a transplanted Parisian. more striking was the young lady from South Africa, who i'd mistakenly taken for an Australian or Kiwi, so similar was the accent. pleasant demeanor, nice hips, and sexy eyebrows are fine with me, wherever they come from. but damn, she's married, as well.

so, a few presents got stocked away, the new alternator got buttoned up tight in the miata, clothes got washed, i even made some sushi maki as Sunday faded into the grey.

then she came back.

<>

this is a time of bad habits. strong beer. homemade hummus (a new addition to the menu). my new habit of passing out on the couch for a large part of the night, when i'm at home. when even the footie matches are a bore... the drone of the chants, the inept passing, the scoreless draws... in no time i'm horizontal. for hours.

not pretty. and does wonders for my self-respect... especially that last look in the mirror before the real sleep.

i guess this whole being stuck inside, never-ending-night, cold-as-balls scenario has done a serious hurt to my mojo. hell, a couple of months ago, i was IMing almost until daybreak... now i'm having trouble making it 'til midnight.

old fuck... or bored-shitless fuck.

needs some adjusting. right damn quick.

.


hit me with your rhythm stick




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