08 April, 2006
police and feebs

that was the sum total (redundant, yes) of the entertainment that performed on the asphalt stage as i made my way back to Solitary in the pre-dawn hours, of Thursday.

lurkers and jerkoffs.

the telltale parking lights and the lazy plume of idling exhaust. hiding in the darkness of the crossover, dashlights and systems aglow. five-deep, blue light riots around lone econocars. the Man had an agenda.

...and the paranoiacs that slow to a crawl, minutes after seeing them... like there was a homing signal attached to them. or others, taking insane risks, thinking they were unembraceable by the long arms of the law. twerps and perps.

if you count the ads and businesses interspersed in these scenes, there were commercials, too.

helluva broadcast. the perfect end of a perfect day.

then, this in the morning news.

in addition to the status quo of mismanagement and petty bickering, i got my "dear John" note on the counter, that morning, before work. after five years, i get to find a new place to pass out after work... or learn to do that same trip, every night.
yeah, the Boot.

i must've pissed off the gods by having too much fun, back in southern California... or for presuming to be content and awakened and looking elsewhere for aforesaid awareness and contentment.

it all smacks of jealousy... if i give reins to my imagination.

we seem to have fallen upon bizarre times, hereabouts... adding to my feeling that i don't belong here, anymore. i mean, moldy, turbulent, vicious, storm-ravaged east coast... not existing.

there are some days, when i open my eyes and pivot my feet to the floor and get the perception that many other feet have fallen upon the same spot... and it's not just my personal history, here in this house. i keep thinking about that TalkingHeads song that says "there where you are standing, dinosaurs did a dance".

...and generation upon generation of humanity that imparted their hopelessness on the terra firma. well, i don't think i'm comfortable with that, anymore. not contributing to the malaise, anyway.

in the middle of today's radio marathon show, i got a call from my "estranged", with a pledge, of all things.

though i will never go back to what was (because it ain't, anymore), i try to be humane and supportive... it doesn't have to be nasty, this dissolution.

but i couldn't make myself play Sir Gallant, the selfless rescuer, when she wound her sad tale... that she's now living in her daughter's house, with her ex-husband. the second one. though, that's what my misguided conscience was intimating.

the mood would've been complete, if one of my co-DJs had spun a version of "Reunited".

now, she's reacquainted with the lies, the excuses, the apathy, the alcoholism, the decay.
and i was so much worse than this.

perhaps my feet are trodding familiar ground, for now.

but they aren't going backwards, either.

.