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maybe it's hot, miserably humid weather that kills my inspiration to write... or that Atlas-like orb of bullshit i've been carrying on my shoulders since creation... or the mind-numbing, ever-enduring repetition of work-drive-home-hiding out that i've been stuck in since before i even started this stupid thing. it sure hasn't been the stuff of "creative writing" (insert flowers-kittens-pen flourishes-curliques). decidedly more James Ellroy than Emily Bront� (and, you'll have no idea how long it took to find the character palette to find that correct accent), just without the gore and dismemberment. it's been more of the same, really, if you count friends' break-ups, life-threatening illnesses, and despair as status quo... not to mention the stagnant atmosphere that i swear that this house infuses into my being. my soon-to-be ex- used to claim that the former tenants still had influence over this place. on the dank, grey days like this one, it isn't too hard to believe. days where the promise of a bone-penetrating, interminable winter is just a hop-skip-jump away. make that slouch-frown-weep, and that'd fit the Virginia bill. not exactly fulfilling her wishes that my friends be gone, the people that i once called "friends" have been absent from the scene for almost as long as she's been gone. in truth, i saw the bad qualities long before she did. the drugs. the want for "things". the immaturity. the problem is, some or all of those things, in moderation, are what a lot of friendships are based upon... so let's say i've "distilled" my acquaintances into a miniscule elixir, basic to survival. a precious few, at this point. more than anything, the void has been filled with reading, raising Hell with politicians (which everyone should do), lots of phone calls/IMs/emails with the Geisha (who's gotten the better part of my more positive writing skills)... and living like a recluse, saving up for trips to the west coast, and the Final Reckoning with divorce. the upside: seeing places and people i wouldn't have, otherwise. sporadically photographing and drawing. re-learning how to make my voice heard in being American (and not letting network TV define my philosophy, and my gut-size). ending matrimony without having to hate someone, but knowing i can no longer live with them. and so, i prepare to remove my ass from this chair before i go read another political/current events blog (and seethe with unrequited rage over the Dick-Tater-ship), and start getting my bags ready for my fourth flight, this year, call the Mediator Maid for the joint appointment... and start fulfilling my promise to get the words on the page. and stop using so many "ellipses". .... |
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