kanji

12 February, 2003
People In Hell Want Ice Water

Jumpin' Jehosophat, now I know how the dinosaurs felt in the LaBrea Tarpits. Mired and sankin' in the ooze. Feeling like yesterday, seein' no tomorrow.

Seasonal affect, my ass.

Leaving the premises was way more dramatic than it needed to be last night. Before the Big Punch Out, I'd taken the wagon out for a twenty-minute escape from the flourescence... barely missing a yearling deer. Sparing him with some lock-to-lock steering should have afforded me some Karma Points. "Maybe Later," like the 8-ball would say.

Rather, in the infinite humor of the Universe, the final escape wouldn't prove to be as... bucolic.

And it was a cold bitch... it had rained, at some point, leaving hard little pimples of ice coating the skin of the Swede. Making with the scraper while the motor warms, letting the seats get toasty (I'll miss them heated seats), jumping in and strapping down... dos vidanya (sp.), Gulag.

Not so fast, feller....

Literally. With the slightest bit of pressure on the accelerator to push the beast up above 40 MPH, you could hear the strangulation under the hood... and instantly feel the drag as if you have suddenly driven onto soft sand. On major highways. At 2AM. Truckers were not amused, as if I happened to be having the time of My Life.

It was like I'd been strained through some extreme fast-forward in time... and was deposited in a green '71 P1ymouth VA1iant on my way to church, shoulders bent, white knuckled at ten-and-two, peering over the steering wheel. Farting into the same seatcushion for the thousandth time. Yes, I now know what it will feel like to be ninety and still driving (If I make it, I hope it's something more fun to drive).

Finally arriving, I was sure that I'd never get to sleep with the worry of what I'd have to dig into in the morning. At least that wasn't a problem... immediate and thorough pass out, though I was up before the alarm. Two cigarettes and most of a mug of Loozianne later, I was brave enough to diagnose the remains.

In the way of true electrical magic, all was as if nothing had ever happened. I sniffed around the vacuum hoses, pulled the plug wires while the internal combustion was banging away (looking to see if there was a change in the idle... telltale for dead cylinders). Nothing.

Which I'm hoping for, not so very long from now. Nothing like the experience of waiting for the dashlights to come on, unexpectedly... or the icy walk in the blackness, to make living... challenging.

Gotta leave before the beer freezes.

.


hit me with your rhythm stick




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