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Damn. Slept through the cell phone alarm. Of course, I could've been a bit more anal with the settings when i got it replaced, this weekend... and doublechecked before i shut down the bedlight. It's not like i really wanted to get up at nine-thirty... after closing up the book at four. Not like i really wanted to get up, anyway... or be the recipient of more negative waves. Which have abounded, as of late. Usually, i bring it on myself. These past few, they've found me on their own. From the outside. Judging from the state of the sheets, i took it out on them in my sleep. A bedding blast zone. No particular dreams to recall to explain the detonation. Probably brought some unpleasant thoughts under the covers with me. This limbo marriage. The souring gestapo workplace. Discovering a knotty curvature to my knuckle on my right hand, after noticing the pain... remembering my mother's and grandmother's twisted and gnarled joints. It has begun. It began when i was born, i suppose. It's not about that, anyway... the decay and dissolve. It's about doing something, NOW. Knowing that it's what i do with what i've got, rather than worrying about becoming fertilizer. Well, i don't feel stalked by the inevitable, at the moment. Rather, the sun invited... briefly. Going through the motions, checking off the wants Miss Jane had listed for her birthday. And a real card... unlike the relabeled sympathy card she'd given me for our anniversary. Which still creeps me out. Men have been emasculated for less. On Wednesdays, the system here likes to exhibit some shaky personality disorders of its own. A very nice exception to the usual proceedings popped onscreen unexpectedly... making me thirsty for dark beers in tacky little nightclubs, and hungry for the scratchy, soulful sound of old '78s. And looking at the world through a viewfinder. I don't sleep through those kind of wakeup calls.
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