08 November, 2005
echoes

the contempt that familiarity has bred is unravelling, slowly, with each day that passes... accompanied by the deepening of the echo in the house.

it's perceptibly colder, in those rooms... but instead of a blood-draining frostiness, it's more reason to move with purpose when it's time to slap the shit out of the alarm clock in the morning.

likewise, the vines and undergrowth are receding, revealing the lay of the land where there was only jungle.

and the tangle is loosening from around my legs, freeing me for longer strides... maybe permanently. consequently, it's freeing my perception of where i am, and have come from... and why i've stayed at this party for as long as i have.

though i was ambivalent about attending, the annual Races proved to be a better experience than i was expecting. in existence long before i was, this old-school steeplechase on ancestral land has been good for an occasional visit, but my attendances were more for drunkenness than socializing, most years. i set out with the mindset that this might be the last time i'm here, for some time... and to make the best of it.
surprisingly, some ex-band mates and workmates made unexpected appearances. separated from our usual rendezvous, our paths hadn't crossed since. with the brief passage of time and cocktails, it was apparent that our mindsets hadn't diverged so far, after all.

my guitarist friend echoed a sentiment that i have tried to live by, without much recent success: making a conscious effort, every day, to notice my surroundings and make a mental note of it... defining life, basically.

abandoning that mindset has been a primary reason that my picture-taking and drawing has gone to shit... and my joie de vivre. all of a sudden, it seemed ridiculous to wear the blinders, especially when the blast of autumn colour has made the background here similar to living inside a bowl of Trix. surreal and real, all at once.

no, i don't have to stay here, forever. but i want to remember what this place has been good for, when it's only a memory. all it took was a good buzz and companions to make it happen.

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