22 July, 2005
"dis-solution"

...that was the spiteful word used, today... and not by me.

no ground gained. no resolutions met. no comfort.

it was like watching from a distance, while the emotional rollercoaster plunged and shook and teetered precariously... though, it could not be called a "safe" distance. no, this one was scattering the debris of reprisal, recrimination, resignation.

then immediately, maddeningly, the return to the status quo. silence... as if it would put the pieces back together.

JEsuschrist, this is probably as nauseating to read as it is to write.

"i been down on the rocks, so long...
i seem to wear a permanent screw."

Bob meant "screwface"... a JA term for "scowl"... just in case someone gets the wrong impression.
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today, a real rain washed the scum from the streets.
literally.

grasping at any straw to escape the Mausoleum, i stripped to motor oil camo-ed fatigue shorts and climbed on the mower. noise. order. purpose. much better. pleasure: it's come to that.

even so, with the drone of Briggs&Stratton, i overhead booming past the earplugs. still, it was blistering hot with no indication of thunderheads. then, again, when i stepped off to move the cars back in place.

Big. Black. Cloud. the likes of which i've not seen here in over a month. wide as the horizon, like a seething black tsunami. promising, not threatening.

and it delivered.

one by one, landmarks disappeared in the swell of wind. big fat drops and waves of mist. constantly rolling percussion, which made the window i was leaning against feel like the cone in a larger-than-life speaker... which, i suppose, it was.

it almost made me doze, when i sat at the kitchen table... where the cat had decided to splay her fuzzy ass to weather out the cacophony. the old defense of abandoning consciousness when shit hits the fan,a shared trait.

until a bolt hit next door.

that was a less permanent wakeup call.

.