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i can tell this is going to be a fight to find words... sitting here at 1AM, shirtless, wishing i could sweat or that some random breeze would float through the open window of this stagnant room, i'm doing what i can to keep a coherent line of thought. ironic, considering the randomness and chaos with seeming intent. most of it, intent on emptying my wallet. probably one of the reasons my finances are in such shitty disarray, is my hatred of money: the hoops it makes you jump through, the crap you have to endure to get it, the infection on humanity it husbands... the fact that it invisbly drifts away like smoke from a cigarette (and I credit EttaJames with some of those words). and, that this world weighs your worth in dollar signs and possessions. they say it's a man's world... and some think that being the sole coordinator of that mess is the guy's job. frankly, i fucking hate the idea. but i do it. but i can't shake the image of Sisyphus hoisting the rock up the mountainside. with the burden of responsibility.
so much for being an adult. a sticky, frazzled, deflated one. feeling the gravitational pull of the pillows to my empty head. |
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